Listing
by gategirl324
Summary: Seventh year isn't easy for anyone. It's not as simple as James and Lily falling in love while making rounds as Heads. There are Marauders, knickers, jealous friends, missing socks, and firewhiskey to content with. How will Gryffindor Tower survive the year? Here are a few reasons...
1. 6 September 1977

A/n: Hey everyone! Tell me if you like, and if I should keep going.

Disclaimer: Just borrowing these characters, I'll bring them home by curfew.

Ten Reasons Why I Hate James Potter:

1. He is so full of himself! He is always gloating over something or another, and saying how he's so brilliant and a genius and the smartest person in Hogwarts. Honestly! Marly says he's a git. Go Marly!

2. He keeps asking me out! Why does he keep doing that! I will NEVER, EVER GO OUT WITH JAMES POTTER! Why must he continue? And why must he keep calling me "Lily Potter"?! That will never happen. Ever. Not even in his wildest dreams. Or my nightmares. Mary says that it's sweet. Shut up, Mary.

3. He hexes people all the time. He hexed Snape the other day, just for bumping into him! Okay, so he knocked Potter over, but still!

4. He and Black will not stop singing in Transfiguration! It's not even like he has a good singing voice! He's terrible!

5. He does that thing with his hair. He knows that annoys me, but he still does it all the time! And Marly says he only does it when I'm around, which is ten times worse!

6. He's Head Boy. (Marly says that's creepy. Mary says it's unnatural. Lucy says that we shouldn't hold that against him.)

7. He shares the Heads office, lounge, and loo with me. Because he's Head Boy. (Marly says that's creepier. Mary says I'm lucky I get to see him come out of the shower. Lucy says that's not sanitary.)

8. He sneaks into my office. Because he shares the Heads office, lounge, and loo with me. Because he's Head Boy. (Marly says that's really creepy. Mary says she wishes she was me. Lucy says that's not allowed.)

9. He turns everything in my office pink. Because he sneaks into my office. Because he shares the Heads office, lounge, and loo with me. Because he's Head Boy. (Marly says we should sneak into HIS room and turn everything pink. Mary doesn't know why I don't like that. She says pink is a nice color. Lucy says that's sexist. She is agreement with Marly. Go Marly and Lucy!)

10. He jumped on top of the table yesterday during breakfast and declared his passionate and undying love to me. And then he tried to kiss me. (He's still in the Hospital Wing) And he did this all in the middle of mealtime! And he did it in public! Where is his head? Where is his common sense? Has he no dignity? Oh wait, Marly's just reminded me that he doesn't have either. Marly says the she means that he doesn't have common sense of dignity. Thanks, Marly, but did you see the line of girls outside the Hospital Wing?

Marly says, no, she didn't. All she saw was a long ling of mindless twits.

Mary says…where is she? She's in line outside the Hospital Wing, Marly tells me. Mary, you traitor.

Lucy says that I shouldn't have hexed him. And jinxed him. And cursed him. She says violence is not the answer. She says violence solves nothing. Marly says that violence solves many things. Marly says to never underestimate the power of pure violence. Lucy disagrees.

Marly says that when dealing with James Potter, violence is always required, and solves everything regarding him.

You really are my best friend, Marly. I love you.


	2. 7 September 1977

Disclaimer: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight! I wish to own these characters!

:::::

James Potter sat up in his hospital bed, dreaming about the person who had gotten him a one way ticket to Madame Pomfrey. No, not just person, _goddess._ That's what Lily was, a goddess. He whispered it to himself as Remus read off his homework from the long list he had brought with him.

"James!" Remus practically shouted, earning him a glare from the nurse.

"What?" James said, disoriented, thinking about his goddess. It was only fitting that she be a goddess, as he was, after all, a god. Padfoot would have laughed so hard he would have been rolling around on the floor at that one.

Ten Reasons Why I Love Lily Evans:

By James Potter. Obviously. Who else could possibly love Lily Evans as much as I do?

1. She's funny. I like funny people. Laughing is good, especially with everything that's going on lately. And her laugh is beautiful. Her laugh makes me laugh.

2. She's smart. She's bloody brilliant, literally. She is on a level that I could have a conversation about something serious, like the war, or something. That is, if she would let me have a conversation with her, let alone a serious one.

3. She can fight her own battles. She strong, and she doesn't like other people fighting for her. With her, maybe, but never for her. She's headstrong, and she has no problem standing up to someone bigger than her. Like me, for example. She had no problem standing up to me, and not just because I'm taller.

4. She doesn't care what other people think of her. She does what she wants. She didn't used to be like that, though. I think Marly is a bad influence on her.

5. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous. She's really, really hot. And she looks amazing when she comes out of the shower in a towel. Merlin, I want her. If she knew what she does to me…

Sirius says I'm going crazy.

Remus says it's romantic.

Peter says he's hungry.

6. She's not as innocent as she likes to make everyone believe. I've seen her and Marly sneaking out past curfew or sneaking back into the Tower. And she and her mates must have plenty of banned items hidden up in their room, or else Marly wouldn't readily have access to so many fanged frisbees or nifflers. She's a bloody bitch with those damn nifflers. Evans must be helping her with those.

7. She does that cute thing with her hair when she's studying. She does this twisty thing, and her hair gets all messy and then I get to watch her brush it for a half hour and try to untangle it.

8. She hilarious in the morning when she wakes up. Lily is only a morning person on the weekend. During the week she'll come downstairs and be all grumpy. She looks so gorgeous in the morning, and she acts even funnier.

9. She got such a pretty smile. She should wear it more often. But she's always worried about something. It's either her parents being targeted, or her friends getting hurt, or her homework, or a Quiddich game, or her Head Girl duties, or all the people getting hurt in the war outside. She smiles less and less. She gets more worried every time she reads the paper.

10. She cares so much about people. It doesn't matter who they are. It doesn't matter what house they're in. It doesn't matter what year they're in. She wants to help everyone. She gets so sad when she can't help someone. I wish she could help everyone. I never want her to be sad. I want to always be happy. I love her.

Sirius says I need to find myself a new hobby.


	3. 10 September 1977

Disclaimer: Dear Santa, For Christmas I want to own these characters!

Ten Reasons Why James Needs to Get Over Lily:

By Sirius Black

1. She's all he ever talks about. He's boring now. All he every talks about is Lily and how he loves her. He doesn't talk about anything else.

2. He says he's grown up. He says we need to grow up. And by that he means me! Lily's done this to him! He never thought I needed to grow up before! He thought I was fine the way I was! I think I'm fine the way I am!

3. He doesn't want to hex anyone anymore. He doesn't even want to hex Slytherins anymore! Well, that's not true, he still hexes Snape, but Snape's Snape!

4. He doesn't want to prank people as much. And when we do, it's not like it used to be. It's not as fun. He says that as Head Boy, he has a responsibility to set an example. A month ago he said he was going to be the worst Head Boy. It's because of Lily and her little lectures she gives him.

5. He doesn't like to go girl-watching on the stairs anymore. He says he only has eyes for Lily. He says it's a childish pastime and I should give it up. He made it up!

6. He doesn't like jumping off the staircases when they change. He used to love doing that. You jump off the top and fall for a bit and then you fly up (Jumping without a broomstick is very dangerous. Peter proved that). He says it's dangerous and that someone could get hurt. He didn't care when Peter got hurt, he laughed. He's turning into Lily, with all her worrying and such.

7. He doesn't have serious conversations with me anymore. He thinks I'm not on his intelligence level, and that I'm too immature. Before he started sharing a dorm with Lily , he talked to me. Now he talks to her, or tries to. He talks to Remus now, not me. I'm not good enough for him anymore.

8. He's stopped doing funny things during mealtimes. He and I don't turn the hall orange anymore, or make all the food turn into girls' knickers. He and I don't jump up and start dancing on the table, or say something funny about the Slytherins. Now he jumps up and says he loves Lily.

9. He cares more about being around Lily than us. He's almost missed three full moons because, he's off asking her out. He's hurting Remus, I can tell. And he doesn't even care. He doesn't even say sorry, all he says is things like "Lily didn't yell at me today!"

10. He doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. He hangs out with Lily. He doesn't talk to me. He talks to Lily. He doesn't laugh with me. He laughs with Lily. I'm loosing my best friend. I'm loosing him to someone who doesn't even like him.


	4. 16 September 1977

Disclaimer: Just borrowing these characters, I'll bring them home by curfew.

Ten Reasons Why Lily Needs to Stop Obsessing Over James Potter:

By Marlene (Marly) McKinnon

1. She's so busy trying avoid him that she can't roam the castle freely anymore.

2. She's so hostile to him that I can't spend time with James anymore lest she glare at me the entire time. Or interrogate me when I get back. The rest of them I could care less, but James is still my friend. Somewhat. I never quite got over his brilliant stunt in third year.

3. Whenever he asks her out, she gets so annoyed and uptight all day, and she snaps at everyone, and then at night she always rants about how much she hates him for a good twenty minutes.

4. Every time he does anything stupid, I have to hear her whine and complain about it for at least three classes straight until he does something else that's stupid.

5. She is constantly putting him and Black into detention. Not that I care about Black getting detention, but then Pettigrew comes over to me looking for attention. And I just can't baby-sit him six out of the seven days of the week!

6. Every two seconds, she's going "Look at what he's doing! Can you believe that? He ought to get a detention for that! How on earth could Dumbledore make him Head Boy?" and she goes on and on and on and on!

7. It's putting other blokes off. Her only real boy's been Amos, and they broke up almost six months ago! As for the rest of the lads, if a fit bird was constantly ranting and raving about another bloke, who continually asks her out, would you invite her to Hogsmeade? What if that other bloke was James Potter? Yeah, thought so.

8. She gets very stressed about things and this isn't helping. Lily doesn't brush off little things. Big things, yes, all the time. But little things? No, those she dwells on and frets over until she gives herself and panic attack. Never said she was healthiest or most logical of my mates. Ah, but that's Lily for you.

9. While she sits around moping, who do you suppose keeps her company? Me. Never mind that I've about a million things going on as well. She doesn't seem to give a flying fuck that I've Quidditch and blokes and schoolwork, does she? No she does not. The only time I get any peace and quiet is if she's off on her Head duties. And that's only for a few hours and then she returns, fuming like a bloody dragon over whatever Potter's done this time.

10. She's using it as an excuse not to think about her parents being dead. Or her sister being a bitch. Like I said, not the healthiest of my mates.


	5. 21 September 1977

Disclaimer: The usual.

Five Reasons to Tell Lily Evans That I am a Werewolf

By Remus John Lupin

1. She is very accepting of others. She was friends with Snape, and he certainly takes some tolerating. And her friend Lucy is dating that bloke Xenophilius and he's weird as hell.

2. She's getting curious, and I would rather tell her myself than have her find out in another way. She'll figure it out herself eventually, probably should have already by now. I think she just doesn't want to consider as a possibility. Although, considering she's been making me healing potions for the last three years and hasn't asked any questions, she might just be waiting for me to tell her.

3. She knows that I'm keeping something from her and it's becoming a stress on our friendship. And I don't think she gives a shite about me giving James and Sirius the prefects patrol schedule. Or maybe that's what it's about. No, she would probably be livid if she found out. Not that it matters anymore now that James is Head Boy.

4. She might be able to help with some of the difficult aspects of the transformation. James and Sirius do what they can, but Lily's brilliant at potions and there's a rumor that this potion's being developed to aid in the transformation.

5. I want Lily to trust me. Besides, it might get her friend Mary off my back if Lily knows why I can't be interested.

Five Reasons NOT to Tell Lily Evans That I am a Werewolf

Also By Remus John Lupin

1. That's a big thing to burden her with. She worries about everyone and everything, and while it's nice sometimes to be cared for and such, I don't want her worrying about me all the time, more than she does already.

2. I would have to tell her about the others being animagi, and that's not something I can do without their permission. And I know they (James) will never agree to that. James is on some super protective streak lately. Probably because the last attack in the paper was on a couple of Muggles not too far from where Lily lives, I think. Actually, I think it was a muggle man, but his wife was a witch. Not much of a witch I heard, but still. The papers didn't publish the name, but they lived on Spinner's End, which is the dodgy bit of where Lily lives, I think.

Maybe I don't have to tell her. Not yet at least. Just tell her about me and she can probably figure the rest out for herself. If anyone could do it, it's Lily. Plus, she'll be bound to notice the Head Boy vanishing every full moon.

3. She would have to lie to her friends, and I can't ask her to do that for me. I don't have the right. If there's stress between me and her now, imagine the stress between her and her friends. I can't ask her to put me before her friends.

4. There's a good chance Marly will force it out of her, and James will kill me if Marly found out. I'm not sure exactly what went on between James and Marly when they were kids, but their relationship is strange. They always want to keep the other in the dark about everything. If Marly finds out from Lily, James with know I told her and get some crazy idea in his head like the two of us have something going on, or that I fancy her or something. Then he'll want to fight me, and he'll win because he's stronger than I am and-

5. Screw it. I can't think of a fifth reason. We've got a prefects meeting in two days, when we walk back to the tower that night after it, I'll tell her. This is going to be a bloody mess.


	6. 23 September 1977

Disclaimer: If you don't know what this is at this point, there's not much I can say to help you.

Twelve Reasons Remus Lupin and Lily Evans May Have Been Delayed After a Prefects' Meeting

By James Potter

1. Dumbledore is asking them what they think of making me, James Potter, Head Boy.

2. The rest of the prefects are begging them to get my autographed photograph for them.

3. Lily is trying to get Remus to tell her just how she can make me fancy her. As if she needed to do anything, but that's beside the point.

4. Snape tried to ambush them on their way back to the tower and Remus is protecting Lily and defending her honor. Should be me doing that, but he'll do in my stead.

5. The female Prefects want to ask me out through them. Not that there's any girl other than Lily who could tempt me. Well, now, James be reasonable. Some of those Hufflepuffs are quite fit...especially that Marianne Henderson...would mind showing her my lion, d'you know what I mean? Get it?

6. Remus and Lily are sneaking off to their love nest to shag the night away. Maybe that's why she not interested…. and why he keeps telling me to lay off of her. But that's absurd. Remus would never do that to me. Not if he valued his life.

7. Lily is explaining, in great detail, the depth and intensity of her attraction to me.

8. Remus is pleading with Lily for her to do his Charms essay. It's not that he's rubbish at Charms, but she's brilliant at Charms. Also, he's lazy and she owes him for something-or-another.

9. They're leading a charge against the Slytherins and forgot to tell me. Impossible, I know about everything.

10. Lily is asking Remus, in great detail, about my family and their history because she's concerned she won't fit in when she becomes my wife.

11. Lily is asking Remus what my favorite food is, because she wants to make me a homemade feast, at the end of which she will declare her undying love for me.

12. They've both been killed and will return as ghosts to haunt me.


	7. 27 September 1977

Sixteen Ways to Help Remus Lupin

By Lily Evans

1. Stop pestering him about being impossible to find.

2. Stop yelling at him when he comes up with ridiculous excuses to be rescheduled for prefect rounds. Although, hopefully he won't have to now.

3. Stop glaring at him when he falls asleep in class.

4. Do his potions essays without comment, since he's rubbish at potions and I'll just end up doing most of it eventually.

5. Research healing potions for various ailments and injuries.

6. Order ingredients for aforementioned potions. Or nick them from Slughorn. Perhaps that would be better. And easier. And a lot cheaper.

7. Get him some chocolate.

8. Collect his robes that need mending. Ask the house elves for some scraps of fabric.

9. Keep Marly from giving him a hard time about Mary.

10. Hint to Mary that maybe she should shift her affections (obsession) elsewhere.

11. Keep him out of detention as much as possible. Granted he's not in detention nearly as much as Potter or Black, but it doesn't help him with his workload if he's scrubbing bedpans out without magic.

12. Determine exactly who knows about him. Peter, Potter, and Black must, as well as the professors, but hopefully that's all. Oh, and Severus I suppose.

13. Never schedule him for rounds with Slytherins. There's no telling who Sev's told.

14. Sit with him when he's holed away in the back corner of the library.

15. Introduce him to Essence of Murlap for his scars.

16. Give him a hug.


	8. 30 September 1977

**A/n: So I had to take the weekend off from updating since it was may last few days at home until I went back to school, but now it's my first day of class so why not be doing this instead of unpacking! Thanks to everyone for all the reads, but I would love some reviews to get some feedback! happy reading!**

Seventeen Reasons Why September Was Somewhat Shit and The Shit

By Marly McKinnon

1. It's the end of the first month of our last year at Hogwarts.

2. Lily is Head Girl. Power has not gone to her head yet.

3. James is Head Boy. Doesn't yet know what to do with his power yet.

4. Sirius is being a pissy little bitch. But Sirius is still a fantastic snog. And shag.

5. Lucy seems to still be in love with Lovegood. Merlin save us all.

6. McGonnagall seems determined to murder all of us.

7. Slytherins have only landed two Gryffindors in the hospital wing so far. Some first year in the wrong place, wrong time, etc, etc. And Benjy the wonder wizard decided it would be a great idea to

8. Slughorn's Slug Club hasn't started up yet, so Lily still have a social life.

9. Quidditch hasn't started yet so James and I still have social lives.

10. Currently, professors are the only ones anxious about NEWTs so everyone remains in possession of their sanity.

11. The Common Room looks and smells clean for now.

12. James has only pulled one stunt about asking out Lily and that was the first week of classes. He was only in the hospital wing for a few hours and hasn't done anything yet, so all's well. For now.

13. Lily and Remus have suddenly become attached at the hip. She was actually mending his robes last weekend! James and Sirius seem none too pleased, but Mary is over the moon. She won't quit asking Lily if she can come to the library with her to "study". Honestly, she just wants an excuse to stare are Remus. Sickening, really.

14. Lily and James seem to be handling with the Prefects reasonably well. No one's returned with an extra arm or boils or anything. Remus says it's been hilarious watching them bicker during meetings.

15. News hasn't been that great from the outside. Bloody newspapers are causing havoc every morning at breakfast. Seems like everyone and their great-great-aunt's been subscribing to the _Prophet_. Bit daft, really, since everyone just ends up leaving their papers all over the bloody castle once they're done. I seem to be the only one to realise that pilfering these papers is just as effective as giving them a sodding knut every morning for information that I could get from reading goddamn tea leaves. No one knows anything, but everyone's determined to say that they do.

16. We've only Defense with the Slytherins so classes are considerably calmer than last year. Of course, who thought it would bebeneficial to put Gryffindors and Slytherins together for Defense Against the Dark Arts must be mad.

17. The Fat Lady's still giddy to have us all back so she's not turned into a right foul bitch yet with barmy passwords and vanishing and all.


	9. 9 October 1977

**A/n: So I'm back in class, but I'm still going to try and update as frequently and as regularly as possible. I don't like to beg for reviews, so please don't make me :) {but honestly, there may or may not be pie as a reward. just saying}**

Disclaimer: Nothing new at this point. Refer to earlier chapters.

Seven Reasons to Explain Why Lily Evans Has Been Spending More Time With Remus Lupin and Not Me

By James Potter

1. They've been prefects together for the past two years. Of course, I'm Head Boy now so she should be talking to me…Maybe she thinks Moony is more capable than I am. Or more reliable. I haven't giving her any evidence of the contrary. Moony probably should have been made Head Boy instead of me. It's most likely just because of his furry little problem that he isn't. It's no wonder than that she asks his opinion in Prefect meetings as much as she asks me. If not more.

2. They're partners in Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and have been since first year. Oh, and they've also been joinly keeping our entire year (minus the Slytherins and Ravenclaws) afloat in History of Magic as they're the only two who can manage to stay awake during that class. And they always end up being the demonstration pair in class. They also must have had to do a lot of work to put together that huge review session for us before O.W.L.s.

3. They meet to talk about their mutual orphan-ness. Honestly, though, Sirius is technically an orphan, Peter's never had a father, really, and my mum died nearly two years ago, the only people Marlene's got is her siblings, and no one ever knows what's happening to Lucy's barmy family…Now that I think of it, none of us really have normal home lives, do we?

4. Lily brews potions to heal Remus after his transformations. And heals him generally. But then, she does that for all of us…Course, she doesn't know why she's healing all of us, I suppose she just assumes that we're getting up to trouble that injures us. That's what I would assume if I were her. So she probably just thinks that we bring it upon ourselves, as opposed to Remus. Thus, it must make him more sympathetic and Lily can't resist helping someone in need. Probably why she likes him better.

5. Remus has been essentially stalked by Mary MacDonald for the last ten months. And she's one of Lily's mates. Remus can't seem to decide if he's into her or not, so Lily must be giving him advice or something. Or giving him tips on how to avoid her. But Lily wouldn't do that, she likes Mary and she likes Remus. She wouldn't want to hurt either of them.

6. He's been secretly feeding her information about the Marauder's activities for the past three years and that's how she's been managing to catch us in the act. If that's what he's doing, I'm going to bloody rip him limb from limb. I'm just taking the mickey, Remus would never ever do that. He's as loyal as all of us are.

7. She doesn't seem to like me much. Oh give it up Potter. She bloody hates me.


	10. 12 October 1977

Disclaimer: Not mine. Shocking, I know. But it had to be said sometime.

Thirteen Reasons Why Lily Evans Should Get a Boyfriend

By Lucy Linden

1. She needs to have an outlet for her emotions; it's not healthy for her to keep them in like this. She needs someone other than Marly, Mary, and me. I don't think she likes that I won't fight back with her, Marly just gets violent and throws something at her, and Mary never really knows what's going on anyway.

2. She doesn't have any male friends since she and Snape had that falling out. I think that's why she's becoming such good friends with Remus, and Mary won't like that at all. If Mary goes into her betrayed/jealous mode, our dorm is going to get very uncomfortable very fast. Which will do no good for anyone.

3. Seeing Lily in a relationship might force Marly to figure out what exactly it is that she's doing with Sirius. And seeing James in a relationship might to the same thing to Sirius. Of course, Lily needing a boyfriend doesn't mean that the boy has to be James. Might be better if it's not. Sirius might not like that. And I don't really care what Sirius does with his own life and his dysfunctional relationships. He's hardly my concern.

4. Lily's internal balance is being thrown askew because of her repressed emotions. If she continues this way, it's going to get harder and harder for her to realign herself. It could lead to permanent damage. Which obviously is not ideal.

5. She could use a distraction from her studies and responsibilities every now and then. When she gets too focussed on her studies, all of us suffer. I am not going through Fifth Year again. That was absolutely unbearable. I don't want to have to deal with Marly if she has to start sleeping on the Common Room couches again. I thought she was going to blow up the tower.

6. She wasn't with Amos Diggory long enough to sort out her emotions regarding commitment and trust and such. If she doesn't learn how to trust another person in a romantic setting soon she may never be able to do so. And that would be a pity for her to spend her life alone. Loneliness is terrible punishment.

7. She might finally understand why I spend so much time with Xenophilius and writing to him and quit harping on about it. Honestly, if she spend some time with, I know she'd love him as much as I do. Well, of course, not love in the same sense that I love him, but still. He's such a pure soul, open to all the possibilities in life. He sees potential in things, and in people, that they didn't think of themselves. He's still opening my eyes to the possibilities of magic and all of the things we as witches and wizards are capable of outside the regular realms of magic. And he's so considerate. Even though he completed his Hogwarts education three years ago, he's waiting for me to start travelling the world, so we can go together and explore the mysteries of the physical world, muggle and magic. But he's wonderful for coming to Hogsmeade every time there's a trip to see me.

8. She would have something to look forward to other than schoolwork and planning prefect's meetings. Because I absolutely loathe those bleeding charts she keeps making and leaving all over the dorm. There's a reason she has an office. And it's only one floor above our dorm! I don't understand what is so incredibly difficult about gathering them and carrying them up one flight of stairs and dumping them on her desk, rather than all over my bed. Just because my bed is next to hers and isn't as perfectly made as hers does not mean that it's available for all of her crap. All of those charts and schedules, with their micromanaging and restricting nature completely disrupt the flow of energy in my space.

9. She needs some happiness in her life. Too much darkness isn't good for her or anyone around her. Meaning me. And Mary. And Marly. There's enough darkness in the world at the moment for each of us without taking on hers as well.

10. She'd have someone to go to Hogsmeade with. She'd have a good time. She wouldn't begrudge the rest of us for having dates or plans. She doesn't seem to want to accept that we each have a routine without her.

Mary spends the whole week leading up to the visit having panic attacks about whether Remus is going to ask her and whether she should ask him. Then when nothing happens with either of them. She spends the night before wallowing and wondering if she should even go to the village. Then she spends most of the trip in the Hogs' Head drinking Firewhiskey that the barman shouldn't be serving her, then spends the last hour or two getting her hair done in some dramatic fashion which she always end up taking out that night or the morning after if she's particularly sloshed.

Marly. Marly spends the morning flirting with Sirius as they sneak into the back room of Gladrags and she models all the naughty lingerie for him. Then, without fail, they end up shagging like their lives depend on it. In the afternoon, Sirius meets up with his mates and Marly usually meets up with her younger sister, Annett, and they buy half of Honeydukes to send to their older sister, Kirsten, who is always trying one diet or another.

I spend the entire day with Xeno, obviously, as it's the only time we have together. Sometimes we apparate to his home or somewhere we've never been.

Lily always gets mad that we're not around to spend time with her and sometimes goes to shops on her own or has some food at the Three Broomsticks before heading back early and doing some work. Hosgmeade used to be the time she would spend with that Snape, but since they're through she doesn't have anything to do. Which undoubtedly leads to her resenting all of us and not speaking to us for the evening. Which is completely counterproductive. But that's Lily.

11. She's driving us mad. Mary tells her to belt up at leave once an hour and Marly's about one Lily-and-James-rant away from hexing her. I'm not sure how much more we can take before it all goes up in one huge explosion. Considering it's Lily and Marly, I wouldn't out it past them. Lily's got that temper and Marly never hesitates to cause damage in one form or another.

12. If it ends up being James, they'll both be happy. Which will make everyone happy. If it ends up being someone other than James, Lily will be happy. Which will make me, Mary, and Marly happy. And we're the only ones I personally care about.

13. If anyone needs a sexual release, it's Lily.


	11. 14 October 1977 22:15

**A/n: Thanks to everyone who had favorited "Listing" and/or added it to their alerts! **

Thirteen Possible Punishments for Potter Not Showing Up for Rounds AGAIN

By Lily Evans

1. Assign him rounds with Slytherins on Friday and Saturday nights. And the most foul Slytherins at that. Force him to tolerate them for a few hours without dueling. I highly doubt he could get through it.

2. Put him in detention. Preferably during a Qudditch game. But I could be persuaded to settle for a practice. I don't care, I'll give him detention during every bloody game or practice of bloody Quidditch. I BLOODY HATE QUIDDITCH.

(Right, so I don't actually hate Quidditch. It's quite enjoyable really. I just hate what it does to Potter. He doesn't need to inflate his ego any more than it already is. At least he's stopped playing with that damn snitch all the time. That was unbearable.)

3. Lock him out of his office. But before doing so, make sure all of his books and robes are in there. Also, only to be done the night before he has a report due to McGonnagall, since he always leaves it to the last minute.

4. Transfigure all of his pants into lacy knickers. If I do that, I ought to do the same to Black's as well. He's probably got something to do with Potter skipping rounds. AGAIN. I will not bloody stand for such flagrant disregard for the rules and, more importantly, our agreement as Heads. If Potter thinks he can continue like this, he is sorely mistaken. It hardly makes my job any easier.

5. Shave all of his hair off. It wouldn't be too terribly difficult. Just slip something into his drink at supper that causes him to become extremely exhausted and when he excuses himself to go to bed, I could just sneak up there under the guise of asking after him. Then, while he's still asleep I could shave his head and after that's through I could start screaming bloody murder and pretend that I've just walked into his room and I found him without his hair. That would actually be a lovely reaction to witness. Perhaps I've put too much thought into this.

6. Hold a meeting of all the female prefects and tell them, in complete seriousness, that they all need to go easy on Potter. That he hasn't been having such an easy time dealing with his "illness" and that the rash is making him very uncomfortable. Also, that in the interest of not causing an epidemic, that they should advise the girls in their houses, very discretely of course, to steer clear of Potter for the time being while his rash clears up and his bits are back in working order again.

7. Hold a meeting with the male prefects telling them that if they are on rounds and they catch Potter and Black, or any other male for that matter, snogging or shagging that they should not hesitate to treat them as any other couple out after curfew and engaging in such activities. If Potter attempts to coerce them, then they should immediately report him to me for punishment.

8. Ask Peeves to please, please leave him alone because he's been under an awful lot of stress lately and is likely to cause a scene if he's angry or caught off guard. Then try to be present for as many of the ensuing incidents as possible.

9. Go up to him and say to him that he may think he has gotten away with it, but I have proof and will be going to McGonagall. Ask Remus for a near-verbatim transcript of everything Potter speculates that I know.

10. When he and Black stumble down to the Great Hall hungover one morning, switch their pumpkin juice with firewhiskey. Repeat as necessary.

11. Nick some veritaserum from Slughorn and slip in into his pumpkin juice. Enjoy.

12. Ask Potter out. When he starts jumping around and collecting his winning from the betting pools, jinx his bits. Take a photograph of his facial expression.

13. Obtain some of Severus' hair and some Polyjuice from Slughorn. Research if Polyjuice can be baked into a tart or a cake etc, etc. Leave resulting pastry in Potter's office as a "Congrats on your first month as Head Boy!" Preferably on the morning of a Quidditch match.

**A/n 2.0: Siriusly though, guys, please drop a review. One or two words, a full novel, whatever. I can confirm that pie will be sent in a gift box as a thank you. And who doesn't like pie? **


	12. 14 October 1977 21:50

**A/n: Sorry for the long delay in updating! I could tell you that I've been bust with my first full week of classes, but it was actually because I was baking pies for all the lovely people who reviewed! J-star Black, Goldrune09, and ZombiesWillThrive, you all have a delicious pumpkin pie waiting for you :) **

Possible Reasons for Feeling Anxious and Guilty During Quidditch Practice

By James Potter

Drinking coffee with dinner. Never a good idea. It always makes me jittery and more energetic than I already am. Which is never a good thing, as Evans is always so kind to tell me. Although I didn't feel jittery, just anxious. Like I'd forgotten something. Coffee doesn't do that. Not that I know of. If the house elves slipped something into my coffee I'm going to bloody charm cupids' wings onto all of them.

Lacing my boots too tightly. I was in a bit of a rush today before practice and it's always difficult to find that balance between too loose and too tight. Boots that are too loose can slip off or be difficult to grip the braces of a broom. But boots that are too tight make your toes and ankles tingle, limit the mobility of the ankles, and generally distract during the entire practice or, Merlin forbid, Quidditch game. But my boots made me uncomfortable not anxious or guilty.

Smacking Marly in the face with the Quaffle when she clearly had not finished taking her break. I mean, it wasn't my fault that she didn't hear the warning whistle. Granted, she was across the pitch and it was really windy, but she should have been focusing. Still, I did feel quite bad about breaking her nose. I mended it immediately, of course, but there was quite a bit of bloody. So yes, that definitely made me feel guilty. But I was feeling like that before Marly got hit, so that couldn't be it.

Leaving Remus in the Common Room alone with Mary MacDonald. She may try and attack him or something. Of course Remus could use a good shag. Or any shag for that matter. He really ought to get over his aversion of women. And, most importantly, sex. Honestly, being a virgin when you're a Marauder is not something to share at parties. Even Peter gets around a fair bit. Although I'm not losing any sleep over the birds he pulls. I could even deal with the occasional Slytherin. Some of them are quite fit. Remus should take advantage of the fact that MacDonald seems to want nothing more than to shag him senseless. I'd take her up on the offer it if were me. Her arse is very easy on the eyes.

We have our first game in a week and a half and we're in a decent place, but we could still use some work. As long as Marly doesn't pitch a fit over her nose, we're solid on defense with her as Keeper and Sirius and Benjy as Beaters. In terms of offense, Eddie, Colleen, and I are fine. Little Dorcas is a great Seeker, she just needs to up her confidence a bit. Granted, she is the newest on the team, but she's a fifth year! At least she's not the youngest. If Eddie were as quiet as she is, I would chuck him from the Astronomy tower. Pity that Louise is as quiet as Dorcas. Thank Merlin that Louise won't be playing until next year. Also thank Merlin I'm training her now to replace me next year. Honestly, if I left it to Colleen and Eddie to train her next year, it'd be shambolic.

I have a massive pile of homework in my office. That I've currently been leaving unattended for the last week or so. And it's been growing. I'm probably going to have to lock myself in my office tonight and push through it. Sirius'll be annoyed at me. But he'll probably just offer to help Marly up to the tower (because obviously her ability to walk has been hindered by her nose) and they'll just shag in the corridor. Then I can barricade my office so that Lily can't barge in and yell at me about something or other. But, honestly, I've done everything she's asked. Even stuff she hasn't asked. Like planning the patrols for Halloween. She had some massive Astronomy project due and was bitching and moaning about the prefect pairings for rounds and I did that for her, too. She's not going to barge in and yell at me, I can leave my door alone. Maybe I'll ask her for her potions notes. She might actually give them to me.

I haven't told Maisie Marks that I can't take her to Hogsmeade. I think she thinks that we're a thing or something. Hogsmeade is this Saturday. I only have three more days to tell her. Maybe I ought to just take her. She's nice enough and is probably up for a good snog. Right, so that's nothing to be anxious about. Or guilt. I'm bloody taking her to Hogsmeade, aren't I?

"That's quite a decent list." James Potter muttered to himself as he strolled back from Quidditch practice. It was late and he was tired and the castle was drafty. He had stayed much later than the rest of his team in order to run some drills on his own. They had gone quite well and he was feeling very confident for their debut match next Saturday. But James always had to be confident. As the Gryffindor Captain, the morale of the team rested with him. He could never afford to show any weakness, particularly in front of the team. It was true that it got tiring after a while, but it was something that he had to do for the team.

But now, as he walked through the silent castle with only himself to comfort, he could let his exhaustion show. He could let his head hang and his shoulders sag and his breath escape his body in heavy sighs. His hair hung around his head, dripping water on the floor. He honestly couldn't be bothered to dry it when he was just going to collapse into bed anyway. "Or not." he remembered suddenly, thinking of all the work he had to get done. He didn't even have the excuse of a full moon.

James tried to avoid this way of thinking, allowing his doubts, anxiety, and guilt to overcome him. If he really wanted to worry, there were a million things he could worry about: his father's health, the growing disappearances on the outside, what he was going to do after Hogwarts, how he was going to survive this year at Hogwarts, N.E.W.T.s, living up to everyone's expectations that he was going to be an abominable Head Boy, having the hopes of every Gryffindor Quidditch fan resting on his shoulders, and leaving Hogwarts with Lily Evans still convinced he was an immature little boy.

But James generally tried to avoid thinking like that.

He liked to bring happiness to people's lives. It sounded stupid, but he liked to make people laugh. Sirius did, too. Remus needed them to bring happiness into his life and to make him laugh as often as possible. And Peter loved to come along for the ride and help make it all happen.

James took a deep, calming breath as he approached the Fat Lady. He was feeling good and not very guilty and anxious anymore. He was ready to tackle is homework and Quidditch and Head Boy duties. The post-Quidditch practice high was starting to hit him and he felt like he was floating on a cloud through the portrait hole.

He smiled to see Sirius already languishing on one of the couches by the fire with Peter. He caught Marly's eye as she sat at one of the tables with a stack of textbooks in front of her. He was surprised to see her eyes widen sharply and her hands frantically flap at him, motioning for him to leave.

"Marl, wha-"

"Potter! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?"

Suddenly James remembered what it was that had been making him feel anxious and guilty.

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, Potter. SHIT."

**A/n2.0: wonderful readers, how do you feel about mixing pure lists with prose? **


	13. 15 October 1977

**A/n: I'm so sorry for the long delay, please bear with me!**

Reasons to Hex Lily for Being a Psycho Bitch

By Marly McKinnon

1. She hexed James Potter within an inch of his life last night. Literally. Sirius had to levitate him to the hospital wing. And I don't remember the last time any of them went to the hospital wing voluntarily.

2. She also kicked him. It was only one time, but still. He was already on the ground at this point.

3. She was bellowing about what a shit person he is and how rotten and horrible he is the whole entire time she was hexing him. In the Common Room, in front of practically every member of our House.

4. She felt the need to do this in public rather than ask him nicely to come up to their offices and do it there.

5. She spent the rest of the night ranting and raving about him until Mary charmed her curtains shut and cast a silencing spell on her bed. She might very well have ranted and raved to herself all night. Might still be at it, actually. Mary hasn't yet lifted the charms.

6. The team's got our first match this Saturday. If James isn't out of the hospital wing and in flying condition by then…. I may have to murder Evans. It's a distinct possibility.

Reasons NOT to Hex Lily for Being a Psycho Bitch

By Marly McKinnon

1. Lily is one of my oldest friends.

2. She's my best friend.

3. I live with her. Things could get uncomfortable if I just come right out with it and hex her.

4. She was partially justified in hexing him. He has been slacking on his Head duties as of late. As if Lily wasn't stressed enough, now she has to pick up Potter's duties and responsibilities. If I had as much work as Lily and had to take on more, I would probably hex someone too.

5. It's technically my fault. When I came back from Quidditch practice, Lily of course freaked out at the sight of my face and started interrogating me about how it happened, who did it, etc, etc. (Although she did heal it quite nicely, which made me feel a lot better. It hurt like a bitch.) Naturally, I tell her everything that happened (relating to Point 1 and 2: best and oldest friend). Of course, I had no idea about this whole rounds thing and Potter skipping them for Quidditch practice. How was I supposed to know? I had absolutely nothing to do with James deciding to skip Rounds. But still, I had no way of knowing that Lily would react the way she did.

6. James did deserve some reparation for leaving Lily to make Rounds alone. It was very irresponsible, even for James. Anything could have happened to her and, even though I'm all for equality of witches and wizards and all, seeing Lily with James would most likely dissuade anyone (i.e.- creepy Slytherins) as opposed to Lily alone. Of course, Lily likes to think that she'll be fine regardless of what she does, like wandering around the dungeons at midnight, but in all honestly, Lily's rather small isn't she? Practically a midget. A little ginger midget.

7. Apparently McGonagall thought the same, so now Lily's got a detention for making Rounds alone (but hers is with Slughorn, so it's not really a detention because Lily'll just muck about with potions and Slughorn will fawn over her as usual) and James has double detention with McGonagall, which will most likely be accompanied by a stern lecture. Not that he knows it yet. And it probably won't take effect for some time, until he gets of the hospital wing at least. Probably when he doesn't have Quidditch, McGonagall cares about the team too much. As she well should, we're brilliant. And no doubt the best looking team at Hogwarts to boot.

Six against Seven.

Fine, Lily lives. For now. I reserve the right to hex her.

I should probably check on Potter. He and Sirius are probably spooning on the hospital bed, no doubt. I'm not going to lift the charms on Lily's curtains and I'm going to tell Lucy and Mary not to either. Let her wait it out a bit. Then I'll only let her out on the condition that she visit James and apologize. She'll have no choice unless she wants to spend the rest of term locked in her own four-poster.

**A/n2.0: Thank you for all the reviews! Baked goods other than pumpkin pie will become available shortly :) all requests welcome!**


	14. 16 October 1977

**A/n: Sorry for the ice age without updates! My world's getting a little crazy, but I thought I'd take some time to return to my other favorite world!**

Eight Reasons Why I am an Embarrassment to the Noble House of Godric Gryffindor

By James Potter (as dictated from Professor Minerva McGonagall)

1. I placed my own pride before the safety and security of my fellow Head.

2. I forsook my duty as Head Boy and representative of Gryffindor House in place of indulging in the pleasurable pastime of Quidditch.

3. I abandoned my post as Head Boy to fulfill my own selfish desire.

4. I proved myself to be a selfish, weak boy by leaving the Head Girl to patrol the castle alone, leaving her susceptible to attack and injury by the darker forces at work within the castle.

5. I have now landed myself in the hospital wing, therefore rendering myself incapable of fulfilling my duties, both as Head Boy and Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I have made myself useless.

6. I spurned the apology of the Head Girl when she came to visit earlier this morning and when I antagonized her to the point where she attempted to hex me once more: I hexed her.

7. When it became clear that the Head Girl would also be in the hospital wing and incapacitated due to my actions, I showed no remorse and even satisfaction in myself.

8. I have completely forsaken all the qualities of a noble Gryffindor and have besmirched not only my own name and honor, but the name and honor of Godric Gryffindor, and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Ugh. Honestly, McGonagall was quite unreasonable with that list. I don't understand why Evans isn't considered an embarrassment to the Noble House of Godric Gryffindor. She hexed me first!

I'm not an embarrassment to Gryffindor. I'm not.

Gryffindor loves me. I'm a very valued member of this House.

Eight Reasons Why I am a Highly Valued Member of the Noble House of Godric Gryffindor

By James Potter and only James Potter

1. I am one of the top five students in our year. Generally it's a toss-up between subjects. Evans gets Potions and Charms, I get Defense, Lucy's definitely got Divination, and Remus probably has everything else. Not Transfiguration though, Remus is rubbish at Transfiguration. Ironic, if you think about it.

2. I am Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and I will lead us to victory! Coming off of last year's win has pretty much cemented my status as the best Chaser ever. That was a joke. I hope that was clear. But honestly, I'm quite good.

3. I am one of the infamous Marauders, bringing joy and mirth and birds' knickers to all in the castle! Everyone knows who we are. And everyone loves us. Except Evans, obviously. Weird one, she is. Pity I'm hopelessly in love with her.

4. I'm Head Boy. But not just any Head Boy. I'm James Potter, Head Boy. Which means everyone is obliged to adore me because I organize the bets on duels rather than shut them down. Although I do have to shut down a fair bit of dueling. I do it nicely, though, not like Evans does, storming about and boxing all the ears in sight.

5. I regularly ask the elves for food and Sirius for firewhiskey and let everyone in the Tower let off some steam. Everyone needs to take a break every now and again. Even Evans is going to need a firewhiskey once exams come around.

6. I am loyal to my friends about all else. And I've proven my loyalties to them a hundred times over. Above all else I value loyalty.

7. I am brave and courageous and fight dark forces. Blimey, Sirius and I were in a bloody skirmish with some Death Eaters over the summer! Although, in all honesty, it wasn't as if we were in any danger. It was rather fun really, poking fun at them. And there was that bit with the muggle aurors. They were cute. Like little baby hippogriffs in the Forbidden Forest.

8. I have the ability to be chivalrous. I'm working on it. Evans is the only bird I don't treat like a proper lady. Well, her and some of the other desperate birds round the castle. It's not my fault though! Some people just don't want to be treated like proper ladies! Of course, hexing Evans probably wasn't very chivalrous. She is just so infuriating. Besides, she hexed me first. McGonagall says my hex shouldn't have knocked her out quite so hard, but there was a fair bit of energy and passion behind it apparently. So perhaps it can be construed as romantic. Perhaps.

Right, so number eight was a tad weak, but it'll get there. It don't much matter though as I know that I'm a valued member of the Most Noble House of Godric Gryffindor.

Whatever that means.


End file.
